Fluffy
by RedMacaque
Summary: Cartman doesn't like Butters' silly pet names. Butters doesn't like Kyle's fat names. Stupid oneshot xD


"Hello, cutie darling!" Butters piped cheerily, wrapping an arm around his easily agitated boyfriend. "How are you, love muffin?" he smiled innocently. The only response he received was a scowl as Cartman cringed against a row of lockers. Butters frowned. "Wuh-what's wrong, fluffy love dove?"

Cartman took a moment to respond as he stood against the lockers, picking at his fingers. His eyes shifted left and right to see if anyone else was around. It was empty. "Stop it with the stupid names already. I'm _not_ a fluffy love muffin! I'm seriously, it's starting to piss me off." he growled.

"But..why?..I like you! This is just how I express myself!" Butters replied, sad hurt in his voice. Cartman rolled his eyes. "If you really liked me, then you would stop calling me god damn pet names all the time! I'm not a cat or a dog, you know." he sighed.

The blonde one looked at him confused, rubbing his chin in thought for a moment before responding. "But, you're a pumpkin sweetheart fluffykins! What else am I supposed to call you?"

Cartman growled. This was just too much for him; it was too much fluff. He _hated_ fluff. And to be called "fluffykins" was even worse. "See! THAT'S what I'm talking about. I'm not "_fluffykins_", whatever the hell that is!" he yelled.

"But..you _are _fluffy." Butters poked Eric in the stomach to demonstrate his point, which only pissed him off even more. "Ay! Are you calling me fat? Because if you are, I swear to god.."

"N-no, no! You're not fat at all. You're perfect. Why, you're a perfect angel cupcake sweet potato!" he reassured with a smile.

"The fuck? What the hell is a cupcake sweet potato? You don't even make sense, Butters." Cartman sighed. "I'm not an _angel_. I'm badass!"

He was about to slap Butters when his cellphone started ringing. Butters chuckled when a loud ringtone went off, flooding the hallways and echoing off the walls. The ringtone was a girly pop song. Cartman panicked, glaring at Butters as he flipped the phone open immediately. "Hello? Oh..hi mahm...umm, yes..yes..I'm still at school! What do you want?!"

Butters leaned against the lockers, thinking about what Cartman said. Maybe his nicknames were indeed too cutesy or childish. But in his mind, calling someone a "sugar cupcake sweetlumpkins" was only a sign of the utmost endearment. Then again, he could see how _maybe_ it could get annoying after awhile. Though if anything, Eric should be appreciative of his creative nicknames. Most people insisted on calling him much less flattering names, such as "_fatass_" or "_tubby_". Or "_fat-tits_", or "_lard butt_", or "_chunky monkey mcblubber nugget._" He didn't understand what was so wrong with giving Eric special affectionate nicknames from items found in a bakery or supermarket.

"Yes, make sure to get me some more cheeseypoofs! Alright, bye, mom. Yea, I love you too." Cartman shut the phone and looked to Butters, who looked back at him curiously. Cartman had forgotten what point he was trying to make earlier. Oh right, that he was badass.

He was about to continue his rant when, speak of the devil, his group of asshole friends approached. What were_ they_ doing here after school? At least it looked like they were leaving.

"Hey, fat tits!" Kyle greeted as they came closer. Cartman narrowed his eyes.

"Jew, I am seriouslah not in the the mood for your shit today." he growled.

Kyle paused, shrugging. "I'm sorry, but you have fat tits! Maybe you should buy a bra."

Kenny and Stan snickered at the comment as they continued walking down the hall. Butters watched in bewilderment.

"Go die, asswipes!" Cartman spat back at them, crossing his arms defensively. It was a feeble attempt to cover up his chest. They continued laughing as they walked off, Kenny making a gesture like he was grabbing boobs.

Kyle had to get in the last comment before they were gone. "An asswipe the size of Texas wouldn't be big enough for you!" he taunted again, this time laughing even harder.

Even though this teasing banter was a daily ritual for them, Butters' felt himself growing very angry with Kyle's remarks, a sense of frustration he'd been repressing for awhile now. Without saying a word, he chased after the three down the hall, scoping out the one in the middle. When he caught up with them, he silently grabbed Kyle by his jacket collar and threw his fist with as much might as he could muster into the laughing boy's face. It was a surprise attack, to say the least.

Butters didn't know what had come over him.

"Damn!" Kenny gasped. Stan stood there, mouth agape. Kyle cowered over, holding his bloody nose. He couldn't believe Butters had such strength.

Even Butters was shocked by what he had just done. "Umm..s-sorry Kyle! I just d-don't like people making fun of my sweet sugar muffin pie." he rubbed his knuckles together nervously. "E-Eric doesn't deserve it! He's such a sweet pea sunshine fluffy-"

*SMACK*

Butters tripped backwards. Cartman stood behind him holding a school binder. He rubbed the back of his head.

"Ow! Eric, what was that for?"

Cartman glared evilly down at Butters. "_Don't call me fluffy_."


End file.
